At work, where we face multiple deadlines, often with limited staffing resources, conflict is bound to emerge. While some conflict/differences can be useful and lead to creative outcomes, other conflicts can impact your health – for me it leads to stress-based overeating! Unaddressed conflict can also lead to increased stress, distraction, high blood pressure, lost sleep and so much more.
I have twin daughters and during their teenage years, there was a lot of conflict! I learned that swearing under your breath is not the healthiest way to address the conflict! What did work was open communication. From my personal experience, open communication has 6 important steps that greatly improve the chance of conflict resolution.
Talk it Out
Ask to have a conversation with the person involved in the conflict. Approach the discussion as a mutual problem to be solved. It is important to start with each person sharing “their own story” - how “I” see the issue(s) (without blaming) and how it is impacting “me”.
Discuss the Issue
What led to the conflict? Describe the “facts” from each person’s perspective rather than accuse (there is often a misperception that can get cleared up at this point).
Discuss the Interests
Why is this conflict important to address? How is it impacting me? If there is agreement that it would serve both parties best to resolve the disagreement? The problem-solving process can then be explored.
Explore Your Options
What are some options that can address the issues identified by both parties? Usually, options help us expand our ideas of what the “right” answer is to the problem. An essential step in problem-solving is being open to ideas or suggestions that may not solve everything.
Agree on a Mutual Solution
Which option will best resolve the issue? No need to beat around the bush, this is where compromise lives! When you both can agree on a solution that works best for you both, it is easier to stick to the agreement. To really solve a conflict, what you agree to must be something you can live with, otherwise, we might find ourselves back at square one. So be sure to only agree to a solution you can commit to...even if it isn’t your first choice! .
Make a Commitment
Be clear at what and how you will commit to implementing the change. Checking in with a co-worker after a solution can be a good practice to not only see if your agreement is working, but it also goes a long way in building a positive working relationship.
I’ve found these simple steps to be very helpful in resolving conflicts in and out the workplace. But I have also learned over time to bring in others to help clear the air or facilitate conversation if we can’t do it alone. I hope you can try to use these steps the next time you encounter conflict at work. We could all use a little less stress in our lives, so let’s use open conversation to melt that stress away.