Transcript: Mayor de Blasio Hosts Citywide Fatherhood Initiative BBQ

June 13, 2014

First Lady Chirlane McCray: Hello. Welcome to Gracie Mansion.

[Applause]

I’m so glad you’re all here. This is your house. This is the people’s house. And I want you to know that you’re always welcome here. That’s right, you can’t believe it. It’s true.

[Laughter]

And so I want to congratulate all of the honorees this evening. It’s very exciting to have you here. This backyard is wonderful for kids, but it’s also wonderful for big kids too. And I hope you have a wonderful time, make memories to share and treasure later.

To all the fathers here today, thank you for loving and caring for your children. What you are doing for them cannot ever be fully measured.

[Applause]

You can’t measure it in kilobytes. You can’t measure it in pounds. You can’t measure it in dollars and cents. I personally feel so lucky to have grown up with a very involved father. I think he took my two sisters and me to every single playground in Springfield, Massachusetts. He showed us how to swing a bat, how to play pingpong, and he made sure we knew how to swim. He got us all on the YMCA swim team because he was very big on making sure we knew how to compete.

We also rode bicycles together. And what a sight that must have been, my father on his giant bike in front, with my youngest sister on his handlebars, and two little black girls trailing behind them on two-wheelers. That was in the ‘60s. That was way before it was cool for a black man to hang out with three little black girls.

My father did not hug. And he didn’t talk much. He showed his love by sharing his passion for music. And by making sure we all learned to play an instrument. He showed his love by giving us his time. And because he didn’t talk a lot, I really don’t know that much about my father, or his family for that matter. I’m trying to do the research now. When he actually said something, it had a lot of weight. And I still mull over the things that he said to me. Like, ‘Get a good education. Once you have a good education, no one can take it away from you.’ And, ‘Take care of your body. If you have your health, you have everything.’

My father had a tough life. He was a veteran. And very moved by all the hungry children he encountered in the service. He never went to college, but he often said, ‘I went to the school of hard knocks, the college of the streets.’ And sadly he never knew is own father, never met him. When I think about that, I realize how difficult it must have been for him. But the truth is that no one is born knowing how to be a good parent. Some people are lucky enough to have role models, good role models. But everyone has to learn and work at it. I know this from my own father’s life, and I know it from my own life. It’s why I am so inspired to be here tonight. All of you have made a commitment, a real commitment to becoming better parents. And it’s a challenge. I think being a parent, a good one, is one of the hardest things you can do. But it’s also rewarding. Let me tell you, my two kids – our two kids –

[Laughter]

Mayor Bill de Blasio: [inaudible] fatherhood.

First Lady: He had something to do with it.

[Laughter]

Now, they aren’t kids anymore. They’re young adults. Dante is 16 and Chiara is 19. But they bring just as much joy now as they did when they were younger. It’s different, but they never stop giving.

We’re cleaning out our house now in preparation for moving up here to Gracie Mansion, and there are reminders everywhere of Dante and Chiara’s childhood. Every tiny baseball glove, the moon shoes, the photos of the birthday parties. I wish Bill and I could take a time machine back then to all those years just for a few minutes, just so we could experience a little bit of it over again. I know that the father I’m about to introduce is just as nostalgic about those days when the children were younger as I am. And Bill has been a truly amazing person to parent with.

I have to admit that when I met him I was a little skeptical.

[Laughter]

Who was this tall, handsome man and why won’t he leave me alone?

[Laughter]

And what won me over was seeing how much he wanted to get it right, how much he wanted the relationship to work, the time he took. And his commitment to getting it right was especially valuable after we became parents. Because the truth is, we both had a lot to learn, and I depended on him just as much as he depended on me. We always talk about it, but I remember the day we first brought Chiara home from the hospital and we put her down on the sofa, car seat and all, looked at each other and we said out loud, looking into each other’s eyes, ‘What do we do now?’ Such a responsibility. It wasn’t always smooth, it wasn’t perfect, but we figured it out, one day at a time. And Bill has been an extraordinary father. His generosity, his intelligence, his compassion and integrity are the same traits that make him such a good mayor.

And so now it is my pleasure to invite to the podium your mayor and my parenting partner, Bill de Blasio.

[Applause]

Mayor: You can see I chose right. There’s so much that I am blessed with in this life, and so much of it is because of this wonderful woman here. She’s everything to me.

[Applause]

And anytime I look at Dante and Chiara with marvel and joy, I have to remember who did the hard work to bring them here. But we just think all the time – we cherish our children, we think about what a journey it’s been with them. We’re so proud of them. And to me it’s the most profound thing I’ve done in my life, is to bring up these two wonderful children with my beloved wife. And that is what brings us all here today. That love we have for our children, that willingness to do whatever it takes, to learn, to get better, to get stronger if it will make our children stronger. That’s something that unites us all as New Yorkers and as human beings. So tonight is a special night because we are celebrating something so essential to who we are. And I think you must know what I feel so often. Whenever our children are away from us, we feel their absence. Chiara is now off at college. If I haven’t talked to her for even a day or two, I start to feel her absence. Just getting a text from her means so much to me. Getting Dante to answer one of my questions with more than just one syllable, I consider a great victory.

[Laughter]

Teenagers don’t always give you back as much as you want, but that’s okay. But I want to talk about the meaning of tonight, but first I want to just thank the leaders who are here who are so committed to supporting fathers, who are so committed to the future of our neighborhoods and our city and see the support of fathers as absolutely essential to our future. Everyone associated with the Young Men’s Initiative deserves our appreciation. Let’s particularly thank Jahmani Hylton, the director, and Alan Farrell, our fatherhood services coordinator.

[Applause]

And I want to thank our federal partners who have supported this work too. We have with us Vicki Turetsky, the commissioner of the Office of Child Support Enforcement at US Department of Health and Human Services.

[Applause]

Some of the key figures in this administration who focus on the needs of families and the needs of fathers, mothers, children in so many different ways who are here with us. First of all, a man who’s leading our effort to create pre-K for all in this city, after-school programs, community schools, Deputy Mayor Richard Buery.

[Applause]

A man who makes sure that families get the support they need no matter their circumstances that we are there for them, our Commissioner of the Human Resources Administration Steve Banks. 

[Applause]

A man who works with community leaders and clergy to make sure that the city government is serving all communities well, and he's the eyes and ears of the mayoralty all over this city, our Commissioner for the Community Affairs Unit Marco Carrion. 

[Applause]

And a very special man for two reasons – one, he protects us against fire, against a whole range of emergencies and challenges we face, he makes sure that EMS is there for us – that's a lot to be thankful for. But also Dan Nigro joined the fire department first in 1969, his father before him joined the fire department in 1946, and his father is going strong at 93 years old. So thank you to Dan Nigro and his whole family. 

[Applause]

And one other gentleman deserves our appreciation. He was here for a bit and he had to go on to other important work, but he keeps us safe every day – our Police Commissioner Bill Bratton. We are very appreciative of him. 

So, we all know that being a father is an incredibly sacred calling. It's in many ways, I say, for me – no question the most important thing I'm doing here on this earth. And we have to treat it with that respect, that focus. It's never easy. No one has ever told us it's easy. But if you believe in your children and you believe in your role as a father, you can do amazing things. And that's what the Fatherhood Initiative's all about – supporting so many good men who want to constantly get better and do well by their kids. And Chirlane mentioned the power of having a strong and positive father in her life. And she didn't say he was perfect. She didn't say he was always warm and affectionate. He showed his love in a different way, but he was a constant presence and it gave her a lot of the strength that she carries with her to this day. But as she said, her own father never knew what it was like to have a father around him. He had to somehow learn. And sometimes – I never had the honor of meeting him, he passed away before Chirlane and I met – sometimes I wonder if some of that quietness, that reserve, came from the insecurity that one might have felt not knowing exactly how to travel the path of fatherhood. It's a very natural fear one might have. But her dad, Robert, found a way to do it his way, and did it to great effect, and supported his daughters wonderfully.

And I have to tell you from my own experience, I had a father who – I have to be honest with you – showed me some of the very best, and some things that were very hard to see. My dad was a big strong guy, he had walked through such adversity and overcome it. He was literally a war hero, fought in the Pacific in World War II, lost half of one of his legs on Okinawa. Someone that there was so much to admire, he had physically come back from that struggle, somehow found his way through his physical pain every day, and was strong and admirable in so many ways, and yet, he couldn't play the role of father the way I would have hoped for, or anyone would have hoped for. Because he had so many things that challenged him, like so many who come back from war. He had the emotional challenges that come with that for so many. Unfortunately, he slipped into alcoholism, and at a certain point he couldn't support the family anymore, and ended up leaving. And so, I looked at the good and the strong elements of my father. I looked at the painful elements. And I wondered for years and years, could I make this work if I ever became a father? Was there something about it that was just too difficult? I didn't have the formula there in front of me in my own life, and I had to wonder, and I felt that insecurity. I looked to anyone around me who seemed to be doing it right. I looked at my own grandfather, and my mother's father, who had been a strong, solid, loving leader for his family. I looked at people around me, any inspiration I could get, but I always doubted. And then I realized over time that each of us has to find it. Each of us has to create it. There's no training manual, there's no perfect example. There’s just the will to get it right, the will to learn from others, the will to sometimes fall down but then get back up.  And then, if you're blessed as I am, you find the right person to travel the path with, and then everything becomes so much easier.

So, I just wanted to say that, to say to anyone in this audience who has felt some doubt along the way, or felt that sometimes a struggle might be too much – I know that feeling. And I admire you for fighting your way through it, because you're doing it for all the right reasons. You're doing it for your children. You're doing it for your family. And every one of us can find our path if we believe it's there for us. And you're examples of that, and I want to thank you for being such great examples to us all. 

[Applause]

I just want to say a few other things quickly. I want to say, it's up to all of us in government to support fatherhood, to support families and parenting, not just with words and ceremonies, but with real actions. That's why, by the end of next year, we will have pre-K for all in New York City. Every single child will have pre-K. 

[Applause]

And if you're looking for pre-K for this September and you haven't applied yet, it's time to apply right now. Space is still available.

We are committed to parents of middle school children. If you've ever – if you are, or you ever have been a parent of a middle school child, you know what I mean when I say, it is a challenging time in a young person's life. One of my favorite things to say is that Chirlane and I are recovering middle school parents. We have left that time behind. We do not speak nostalgically of that time. We don't look at photos from that time. We kind of just airbrushed it out of our history. 

For middle school parents, within the next two years, we will guarantee to each and every one of them, if they want an after-school program for their child during the hours after school – 3-6 p.m. – it will be guaranteed for free for every parent in this city. 

[Applause]

For the people who work so hard, and then sometimes, against their own will, get sick, or for people who work so hard and have a child who's sick, and need to be there for them – and have in the past worried that they'd lose a day's pay, or two day's pay, or a week’s pay that they couldn't afford to lose – just a few weeks ago we passed a bill guaranteeing paid sick leave so people could still keep their families healthy without losing pay.

[Applause]

And all of the leaders behind me are working every day in all their own ways to support parents, to support fathers, to support families. The Fatherhood Initiative is a crucial part of this. It's doing so many important things. One of the things I love, that the Fatherhood Initiative does under the larger rubric of our Young Men's Initiative, is the Fatherhood Academy, which is done with CUNY and LaGuardia Community College of CUNY. It's an amazing thing. Who likes – who likes the Fatherhood Academy? Speak up now.

[Applause]

Doing something so essential – helping young men who want to find the right path for them and their family, helping them get a GED, since March of 2012. March, just two years ago, this wonderful initiative has helped 50 – 50 participants earn their GED and get on a better track to a better life. That's something to celebrate. 

[Applause] 

And the Fatherhood Initiative is about celebrating fathers, holding up the great examples that will inspire others. We've got 10 wonderful honorees tonight. I'm going to talk about two of them very quickly to give you the example. Mynor Escobar, a Queens resident, he became a father – go ahead, clap for him –

[Applause]

– became a father when he was just 16. He worked very hard at overcoming the fears and the challenges of being a teenage father. He worked hard at his job. He started as a dishwasher. He ended up as a chef, which is something we admire in and of itself. He participated in the Department of Education’s Living for the Young Family through Education program. He graduated from high school.

[Applause]

And then he did something even more special. He saw that his own sons were having some challenges with their education and their development. He knew he had to do something about it. He went out and got them the help they needed and now they are thriving. And that’s what a good father does. Let’s thank him for that.

[Applause]

Again, so many great honorees. I’m just going to talk about two just to give you the flavor of how special these individuals are. Andre Harrison of Staten Island – where is Andre’s cheering section?

[Applause]

He grew up without a father and then due to a tragic loss, had to raise three sons, now aged 16, 12 and 6. He had to raise them as a single father. Grew up without a father, had to raise sons as a single father. In 2010 he met his own father for the very first time. Now after all of those challenges, turning those challenges into strength. He works full-time as a family worker and fatherhood specialist at a Head Start program.

[Applause]

He was moved to write a book. The book’s title says so much, ‘From a Fatherless Father to His Sons’. And he established an organization called Roll Call to help fathers play a meaningful role in the lives of their children. This is a young man who took adversity, looked it in the eye, and then did so much to help others. These are amazing role models we’re talking about tonight.

I now want to bring up the man who’s done so much to make all of this possible, and he’s going to call up each of the honorees. As I’ve mentioned, Alan Farrell as our fatherhood services coordinator does so much to support fathers, gives them the strength and support they need. And he now is an expert himself because he is a new dad.

[Applause]

And Alan’s wife is here and his 8-month-old son Samuel is here. Let’s bring Alan forward to introduce all of our honorees.

[Applause]