“If your boyfriend or girlfriend is not loving you right, then someone else will love you right. Life will go on if you leave someone abusing you.” That was the main point driven home by Tamron Hall, the MSNBC anchor who was the keynote speaker at NYCHA’s 10th annual Domestic Violence Awareness Conference and Resource Fair, on October 29. The annual event is run by NYCHA’s Social Services Department under the leadership of Director Nora Reissig.

Ms. Hall spoke movingly of her sister, who she says was murdered in an apparent domestic violence incident in 2004, which made her realize that domestic violence can affect anyone. “It does not have to be someone raised in a bad home or who has no friends. My sister was popular and outgoing,” she said.

This year’s conference theme was “We Stand for…Healthy Teen Dating Relationships,” marking the first time the focus was on teen dating. The more than 400 NYCHA youth in attendance rose out of their seats at Ms. Hall’s urging and shouted, “I know what love is and I deserve healthy love!”

NYCHA Domestic Violence Conference attendees browse an informational table. (Photo by Leticia Barboza)

A few of the young adults also joined Ms. Hall on the stage to help her make some of her points, including Shaina Mojica from Fort Independence Houses in the Bronx. “I’m glad she talked about how sending too many text messages can be a sign someone is being abused,” she said.  “People need their space and can’t be together all the time.”

The attendees also broke into workshops that focused on a number of topics to educate them about various aspects of domestic violence.  One workshop addressed the role men play in preventing domestic violence.  It is part of an initiative led by Vice-President Joseph Biden, and was presented by the U.S. Departments of Education and Health and Human Services. “It was inspiring, it caught our minds,” said Shamel Massie, a teen from Mariners Harbor in Staten Island.  “It let us know the consequences so we can keep from making mistakes.”

Other workshops included “What to Do If You Are Dating Someone Who is Abusive” and “DV Warning Signs – How to Help a Friend.”

NYCHA Board Member Margarita López also spoke to the attendees, telling anyone who was raised in a family with abusive relationships to embrace a different way of living.  “Love is not dominance or violence,” she said. “When you embrace what it is to be a man, or embrace what it is to be a woman, that is equality.”

Candace Keith, a teen living at Tompkins Houses in Brooklyn, believes everything she learned at the conference will help her for years to come.  “Eventually when I have a relationship that I’m really into, I’ll know what to look out for, and that I can get away if I have to,” she said.

By Eric Deutsch
October 31, 2011