FDNY UNITS / CSU / Literature / the LINK

Lessons Learned: A Way to Assist Others

Early April saw the publication of a book written by Paul Greene, Dianne Kane, Grace Christ, Sallie Lynch, and Malachy Corrigan about the counseling and support the FDNY developed to help the families of members who perished on 9/11 along with active-duty survivors and their families. The book, FDNY Crisis Counseling: Innovative Responses to 9/11 Firefighters, Families, and Communities, captures the lessons the authors learned from their work helping families via the Counseling Service Unit, the FDNY-Columbia University Family Assessment and Guidance Program, and the Firehouse Clinician program. Without ever breaching the bonds of client confidentiality or the trust that family members have come to place in the FDNY programs that have helped them since 9/11, the authors put some of their observations and experience in writing in the hopes, they write, that “it might assist others in thinking about a potential response in their community,” should they have the terrible ! misfortune of having to deal with a crisis of 9/11 proportions. “We believe that elements of the principles that proved critical to our work can be considered now, ahead of time, rather than in response to the next terrible event.” The book is in part a plea to members of the first-responder community and those who might help them to size up their natural strengths and support systems now, before potential tragedy strikes, so that they will be better positioned if that day ever arrives.

While members of the first-responder community and the counseling professionals trained to support them will probably be the most natural audience for FDNY Crisis Counseling, the heartfelt admiration the authors clearly have for the resilience, strength, resourcefulness, and open-mindedness the FDNY families have displayed shines through this dedication and the entire book, which, in memory of those who perished, also opens with a list of all those who sacrificed their lives:
This book is dedicated to those who lost their lives attempting to save others and to the families who have endured so much as a result of their sacrifice.

Here are a few excerpts that bear witness to family members’ achievements over the past few years and the resourcefulness and open-mindedness with which they have gone about drawing upon all the available healing resources. 

A Central Question:
Can “good” come of terrible tragedy? FDNY Crisis Counseling mines unthinkable trauma for healing lessons:
Experience is not an illness. There is no cure for experience. The fact of the collapse of the World Trade Center buildings and the resulting trauma and loss can’t be changed. How then to think about the changes that occur as a result of having survived such a life-altering event or having lost someone close who did not?

The Bereavement Groups
Support groups were crucial to family members’ ability to get through the early months
Being in the group helps each to know that they are not alone, not going crazy. Their reactions are normal, the event incomprehensible, and answers are not available. There is no road map, no right way to grieve, no timeline they can
follow….  The ability to verbalize pain, get dressed in the morning, comfort a child, or say no to an unwelcome demand … are signs of survival and strengths to be noted and appreciated. Somehow, even when they are not sure they prefer to, they will survive.

Mothers and Children
The FDNY Columbia University Family Assessment and Guidance Program was launched to help widows and their children. Most families were past the initial acute stages of confronting the reality of the loss, but they were still involved with the search for remains, attending multiple memorials, and other continuous reminders. Early after the event, reminders were caused  by these outside events and then birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and events Dad would have attended. Over time, however, the reminders became in some ways less predictable and expected, and often powerful in their effects. Mothers of bereaved children were increasingly concerned about finding ways to help their children cope with the loss and the ongoing stresses… It was impressive to observe how mothers were able to set aside their own grief for extended periods of time to focus on their children’s needs. We were alerted to the changing responses of children as they matured and to their sensitivity t! o separation, loss, rejection, and disappointment. But we also began to observe their greater comfort with being "9/11 kids", their growing empathy and compassion for others in need, their advanced maturity in social and emotional functioning. Many adolescent's now say "9/11 is a part of my life, but it's not all of it." They see positives in their experience.

Surviving Parents, Siblings, Wives Without Children, Significant Others
Although the decision was made early on to organize groups along relationship lines, one thing united them all: life-altering loss.

It is not only young widows with children who must find a way to move forward and forge a new identity. Older widows with grown children struggle to replace the retirement plan they must set aside, while young widows without children along with fiancées and girlfriends try to reenter the single world they have no desire to rejoin. Siblings struggle with a loss they feel is invisible to others yet profoundly has affected their definition of self: how to express their loss, the absence of a shared childhood, and the sense of oneself as an only child or a member of a smaller family. Perhaps most confusing of all is the identity reformation of the parent who lost an adult child who at the time of his death no longer had been a part of daily life yet without whom one seems to have become a different and unknown person. No one has been spared the need to dig deep to find meaning in life and the motivation to forge ahead.

Time Passes
Almost without their noticing life has continued. Children get older, graduate, leave for college, get married, and have babies. Each transition is bittersweet for each member of the family. How can I enjoy this grandchild, who is named for my dead son? How can I bear his joining the fire department, of which his father would have been so proud? Ultimately each transition and life event leads to questions about oneself: What about me? How do I want to live my life? What do I do now?

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Teen Connections

Sleepover at the New York Aquarium

What: Join us for an evening tour of the New York Aquarium at Coney Island, feed the fish, learn about aquatic life, make art projects, and play games. Then, roll out your sleeping bags and spend the night!

Who: Teen Connections kids ages 13 and over, their friends, and FDNY teen Big Brother and Big Sister matches for Fire and Life Safety.

When: Friday, May 19, 2006, at 7 p.m. through Saturday, May 20, at 10 a.m.

Where: New York Aquarium, Surf Avenue & West 8 Street, Brooklyn, N.Y.

What to bring: A sleeping bag, one overnight bag per person (please), pillow, personal care items, and clothing appropriate for the season.

What else: Moms, there will be a lot of staff from the Aquarium and the Teen Connections program to supervise the sleepover. Help with transportation is also available. For more information, please call or write to the contacts below.

RSVP: By May 8 to Kim Ahearn at (212) 570-1693, ext. 323, or email her at ahearnk@fdny.nyc.gov. You can also contact Phil and Virginia Duncan at (516) 897-2710 or email at vee413@aol.com.

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NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO? OUR COUNSELORS ARE ON CALL AT (212) 570-1693 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK

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theCalendar

Meeting are 7 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. except where noted. For info, call the CSU at (212) 570-1693.

Family Members

Mondays:
Greenbush Presbyterian Church,
Blauvelt, NY.
For info, call (212) 570-1693

Tuesdays:
Staten Island CSU,
1688 Victory Blvd.,
Staten Island.
For info, call Mary Cole at
(718) 815-4111.

Spouses * New Day & Time

Wednesdays:
9:30 a.m.
Orange County CSU,
2279 Goshen Tpke.,
Middletown.
For info, call (845) 695-1029,

Thursdays:
Freeport Fire Dept. Headquarters,
15 Broadway, 2nd Floor,
Freeport.
For info, call Dr. Dianne Kane
(212) 570-1693

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Spouses Without Children.

Mondays:
3:30 p.m. to 5:00 p.m.,
FDNY CSU
594 Broadway,
Manhattan,
For info, call Elena Coronges
(212) 570-1693.

Parents

Thursdays:
Our Lady Help of Christians Roman Catholic Church Convent,
1314 East 29th St. (by Ave. M),
Brooklyn

Thursdays:
Freeport Fire Dept. Headquarters (See above.)



Fiancees & Significant Others

Mondays:
6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m., CSU,
251 Lafayette St., 3rd Floor,
Manhattan

Wednesdays:
Fort Totten FDNY Family Crisis Center,
Bldg. 413 A,
Bayside (photo ID required).

Siblings

Wednesdays:
7:00 p.m.
Center Cottage, Suffolk Community College
Crooked Hill Road, Brentwood.
For info, call Ray brown at (631) 851-6888.

New group in Fort Totten

Every other Thursday, 7:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.
For info, call Lynne or Kristen (718) 352-2140.

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